HEALTH An addict in the home

DEVASTATING?Addiction hurts not just the addict, but also the people close to them.

Living with an addict


Mental Health
Jannah Walshe

Addiction comes in many forms but the most commonly recognised forms of addiction are that of drug and alcohol addictions. Addiction can affect anyone, regardless of age or backround. Addiction is the compulsion to use a substance or engage in a behaviour regardless of the negative impact this may be having. People struggling with addiction may not be aware that they have a problem that is affecting themselves and others.
Because all addictive illnesses are progressive, it seems that the only path for the individual and their families is a downward spiral, unless they get help. While this decline seems preventable, the addict has to want to get help in order for any treatment to be of value.
If you are living with someone who is in the midst of addiction you don’t need anyone to tell you how difficult it is. You are already well accustomed to how devastating an addiction is, not just on the individual but on the people close to them. If you are the significant other of an addict, it is more than likely you have taken on the role of carer for your partner and any other family members.
Living with a person who is in recovery from addiction is very different to living with someone who is in denial about the problem and/or unwilling to receive help. Regardless of which situation you find yourself in, it is imperative that you take some steps to help yourself.
Learning about the addiction can help ease the stress that living with the addiction is placing on you and your family. If your partner had a cancer diagnosis you would likely do as much research as you could, look for help and prehaps join a support group. Addiction is no different. Get yourself informed, allow others to help you and find out what supports are available for you in your area.
Follow these steps to refocus your attention back to you and your own health and away from the addiction:
Take care of yourself. Living with an addicted person can be exhausting. Remember you also need time to recover. It is not selfish to look after yourself. If you try to take care of someone else before yourself you will eventually become depleted and exhausted. It is your job to find out what your needs are and to meet them first before helping someone else.
Rebuild your own life. Does your life feel empty in any of the following areas: education, career, relationship, hobbies or self-care? It is common for people to forget what they want from life when surrounded by addiction. Look at what interests you and slowly build on it.
Learn the difference between helping and enabling. It is a common fear that if you don’t help the person who is addicted they will end up in a worse situation than they are now. Unfortunately this help sometimes enables the addiction to carry on. As much as possible allow them to stand on their own feet while letting them know that you are there for them when they decide to deal with their problem.
Try to avoid self-blame. You cannot control another person’s decisions and you cannot force them to change. Blaming yourself only ensures that you feel bad about yourself and may feed into the enabling that I mentioned before. Allow yourself to examine the role you play in the addiction without getting overwhelmed by self-blame.
Being a caretaker is not good for you or the person struggling with addiction. Understand that you cannot change the other person. You can only change how you are in relation to them.
Do not argue or try to discuss things while the other person is under the influence. It won’t get you anywhere and may only make the situation worse.
If possible try not to be negative with them. This may only increase their feelings of guilt which could push them further into addiction.
Most people who love someone with an addiction wait for a very long time before they finally reach out for help because they live in hope that it will get better without any intervention. Don’t wait for the situation to be really bad before you get help. Look for it now. Talk to a friend, neighbour, professional or go to a support group. There is a huge amount of information out there. Do not be afraid to get online, go to your local library or contact service providers for more information.

Support services for people living with someone who is going through addiction include www.drugs.ie, www.al-anon-ireland.org (01 8732699), www.hopehouse.ie (094 9256888) and www.fsn.ie. Search ‘family members of addicts and alcoholics’ on www.amazon.com for a list of helpful books.

Jannah Walshe is a counsellor and psychotherapist based in Castlebar and Westport. A pre-accredited member of The Irish Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy, she can be contacted via  www.jannahwalshe.ie or at 085 1372528.