“I was raped and it still haunts me”

“I was raped and it still haunts me”


Mary* is 37, is married and lives in a remote community in north Mayo. She reveals her rape ordeal and how she felt humiliated by the courts.

“I was working in a chemist at the time and we didn’t have a Christmas party, so as a morale boost we organised one afterwards. I had lost my Mum the previous year, we were very close, and I was still very low. The perpetrator was a family friend who had also lost his Dad months previously. I bonded with him because of this. We had that in common. He was in our house the day he got the news about his Dad’s death. I looked after him, gave him brandy, I considered he was a good friend.
He happened to be employed by the businessman who owned the place where our party was held and lived adjacent to the venue. I was 27 and he was in his forties. I felt he was taking me under his wing because I felt vulnerable and low and empty. I felt safe.
On the night of the party my husband left me off to it, stayed for a while, and then went home.  The perpetrator was there. I was still very low over Mum’s death. My husband came for a while. There were between 12 and 20 people at the party and I ended up sitting with the perpetrator.
At one stage I went outside for some air, I’d had a few drinks. I then went to his flat next door with him and I remember sitting at a table and we were talking. I had a whiskey and somehow I passed out after drinking it. I just completely blanked.
Seemingly he went back to the party and said I was unconscious. He was told not to return while a friend phoned my husband to collect me. But he did.
When my husband and friend walked into the perpetrator’s home, he was raping me. He ran away. My husband was going to punch him. You know, it’s incredible how safe I had felt in his company.
My husband found a little plastic bag, with blood on it, which he attempted to use as a condom. The DPP didn’t use that evidence.
The guards were very good, they were very discreet.
I was brought into hospital and swabbed and examined. This was done very sensitively and the nurse was very considerate.
I came here to the Mayo Rape Crisis Centre (MRCC) within a couple of days. I was still very sore and had bruises.
When the guards found the perpetrator, he claimed it was consensual sex.
The court process wrecked me, it ruined me. I was distraught. Even though I was only a witness, we employed a watching brief. The whole trauma of the court was horrific.
They put me up on the stand and treated me like I was the  perpetrator. They grilled me. They made it sound like I was a married woman looking for a fling.
They wanted Ruth (Director of the MRCC) removed from the court. Just to upset me. Then, he had neighbours, friends who drifted into the court. They have since disowned him.
I absolutely felt I was on trial. They pulled me to pieces. It was just a game for them.
He even had the cheek of since coming into my place of work and speaking to me. The barrister  even commented on my large stature and the fact that he was small.
He got off on a technicality.
Before he left the court, the judge said to him: “Happy Christmas, you are free to go Mr X.”
I was never even acknowledged by the judge.

Ten years on and it’s always there. It hasn’t killed me. It’s definitely made me stronger. But if I hadn’t come in here (the MRCC) I wouldn’t have got my life together.
Afterwards, I went through depression and terrible lows. I took an overdose, but it wasn’t to kill myself, it was just to stop the world going round. 
Despite all this, I urge victims to make the complaint. Report the rape. These guys need to stop getting away with it. The system is so unfair. You should be able to dress the way you want, to drink, but that doesn’t mean you should be raped. It doesn’t mean you are out looking to be raped.
I think the justice system needs to change. Victims need to be treated with dignity.
The court case brought closure, even if I did not get justice.”

* Mary’s identity and details have been changed to protect her and that of the other parties involved. She was in conversation with Áine Ryan.

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