The strange world of airport security

The strange world of airport security


C’mere ‘til I tell ya
Daniel Carey

MY most recent airport experience involved almost missing the plane. Which, of course, was Shannon Airport’s fault.
How were we expected to know (when there weren’t lots of people sitting beside us ready to board the same plane, like you find in most other airports) that we should’ve been on board when there were only 15 minutes left to take-off?
My travelling companion (who took the added precaution, in case he wasn’t late enough, of also not filling in his customs form properly) got a clap when he finally boarded, much to the delight of the female hostesses who thought up this hilarious gesture. I hope they never try it on their compatriot at the US Customs desk, who seemed to have a mortal fear of humour. 
Two years earlier, I had airport adventures of a different kind when I journeyed from Galway to Leeds-Bradford. The ban on liquids in hand luggage wasn’t long in operation, and the whole one-piece-of-hand-luggage-and-absolutely-no-more rule was being strictly enforced all over the globe.
Nobody, however, had yet relayed the message to Galway. I arrived with my one, carefully-packed, piece of hand luggage to the check-in desk and subsequently boarded. Honestly, I could have had a mini-perfume counter in my bag, or 15 pounds of explosives for that matter, such was the attention that was paid to it.
Given this relaxed approach, I slackened considerably in my adherence to rules when arriving at the desk in Leeds-Bradford to return home. Two bags of hand luggage. Tut, tut. Not permitted. You’ll have to fit them all into one. Laptop bag was chosen, with handbag packed into case – less lipstick and mini-deodorant, which were neatly slipped into pocket of laptop case.
I proceeded to security, then realised I’d left my mobile ‘phone in my handbag – and it was on. Back I ran to the desk and breathlessly admitted my crime to the lady there, expecting that the whole plane would have to be unloaded and repacked so that my phone could be switched off. Alas, no. While phones must be switched off when in one’s possession on a plane, for fear of interference or whatever, they’re fine when they’re in the company of luggage only.
Back I went to security where my laptop had to be opened and checked. Relieved that it didn’t pose a security risk, I expected to be allowed through – until my lipstick and mini-deodorant were discovered.
“I’m sorry, miss, you can’t take these through, but if you like you can go back out to the check-in desk, get a special envelope and they can be posted to you. Then rejoin the queue.”
With the queue now double-digit in length, I opted to sacrifice the half-used lipstick and deodorant.
It was a valuable learning experience though. I now know the proper security etiquette for such dangerous items as lipstick and deodorant – carry them in a separate, transparent plastic bag. Obviously. Much less dangerous to fellow passengers that way.