MENTAL HEALTH: Comparison and compassion

Comparison has long been said to be ‘the thief of joy’, and whilst this sentiment is strong, it’s not wrong.
If you had to think about it, how often do you compare yourself to others? If you’re like most of us, it’s likely something you engage in quite frequently and maybe even more so than you would care to admit. It is a trap that is so easy to fall into.
Social media is fundamentally a vehicle that allows us all to view how people are living their lives. Of course it can provide inspiration, value and education but one more negative aspect of it is how we have become so accustomed to taking all that we see online as face value. Because of this view, you may begin to compare really anything – your appearance, career, home, family life – and think that others are doing so much better than you.
The truth is that when we turn our energy and attention to what others are doing in a large way, it will take you away from living and bettering your own self and life (if that’s what you wish to do). Energy is a valuable resource, and we should be mindful of where we direct it and who gets a piece of it.

Spirals
If you do find that these types of comparisons serve as great motivation and push you to achieve more, that is a positive thing. We have so much at our fingertips now, more than any other time in history and this impact can be seen. However, the lines can get blurred, unbeknownst to you in some cases.
In those situations, you may be placing big demands on your shoulders to reach the heights of your inspirations. And if you don’t get there quickly enough, there can be a real risk of you experiencing diminished self-worth, and this is something that would be best avoided.
You might find yourself feeling jealousy or inferior. In the same vein, if your aspiration is at the very top of their game you might find yourself lamenting that there is no possibility of you ever reaching their heights. Again, this is one way to surely provide a negative spiralling.

Compassion
If you find yourself here, please hold yourself with empathy and compassion. Comparison often comes from a place of insecurity within us, so it won’t be helpful to criticise or judge yourself for this behaviour. Rather, ask yourself what is driving these feelings of less than or sense of inferiority? Based on your answers, give yourself what it is that will help you in that moment.
You may think it would be better to eliminate comparison, to just focus on living a life that is in alignment with your own personal values. Is there a world where you don’t feel the need to compare at all because you are clear on what matters to you and content with what you have?
Remember that no matter who you find yourself looking up to, they are humans like the rest of us. They have struggles, faults, and potentially feel inadequate themselves at times. For every high you are witnessing, they also have weaknesses, but they don’t let that stop them. Maybe it would be more worth your while to emulate rather than try to become someone else. Because your uniqueness is what makes you special, and you should hold on to and allow that to guide you in setting your own standards.

•   Sadhbh Dunne is a qualified life coach based in Westport. She is the founder of Ember Coaching (embercoaching.ie) and can be reached at sadhbh@embercoaching.ie.