From pub to club

From pub to club

Sonia Kelly

SO our rural bachelors are doomed henceforth to solitary confinement! This is because they may no longer drive while drunk (or with diminished responsibility due to drink). Now, it seems extraordinary that the Irish, who are internationally renowned for their wit and bonhomie, cannot socialise among their own kind without the stimulation of alcohol. This might, in fact, be the opportunity to create a life after Guinness by establishing clubs instead of pubs.
A club would be a comfortable venue where non-alcoholic drinks, hot and cold, would be available; where there would be newspapers, a television, a cheerful fire and compatriots to communicate with. Perhaps such establishments should be state-run and they would surely be less expensive than providing a transport service for our lonely brothers.
What happens in other countries? We never hear about isolated Spanish farmers, or Swedes, or even of any in Africa. Is this just an Irish problem – that life depends on alcohol? One solution could be a mass conversion to Islam and a consequent study of how Muslims get together.
Or another one might be for men to become more like women. Take my own village – here we have a group of seven, who gather periodically in each other’s houses for an evening of fun and games. The hostess provides the refreshments, usually consisting of sandwiches and cake, during the intake of which the local news is mulled over. Then it’s game time. This could be Scrabble, or a card game called Skip-bo, or another game called Scattergories. The latter consists of a specified letter being called out, a timer set, and each player having to name an object beginning with it to a list of 12 items such as game, bird, vegetable, tree … It’s great fun and we should bear in mind the recently ascertained fact that the more friends you have, the less likely you are to become ill, and that laughter keeps the common cold at bay.
These moping farmers should pull themselves together and organise similar social occasions. In England they have bowling clubs and on the continent the old men play endless games of chess. In China, there’s Mah Jong and, not so long ago in Ireland, our men folk were adept at card games.
There seems to be a certain segregation of the sexes involved in this socialising. It’s certainly the case that men are not included in our evening parties, and none have ever expressed a desire to join us – perhaps because an air of frivolity hangs over it. Men are more matter-of-fact – more earthed, you might say.
Indeed, it is quite hard to imagine any meaningful kind of conversation between some of the solitary male farmers from the hinterlands and one of the opposite sex. Their unfortunate situation has precluded any practice in this field of activity.
The system that prevailed in rural Ireland after the famine was one that produced many bachelors. Because the holdings of land could no longer be divided, only one son could inherit. If the father failed to make the settlement before he died, whichever son was, or had been, selected had, perforce, to remain on the farm to tend it and the mother, without legal status.
Thus he had nothing to offer a bride and so it came about that three out of four men to reach 50 were bachelors. Which is the reason for these virtual hermits being uneasy in female company.
And why they need their own clubs.