FAMILY LAW My husband just walked out

DIFFICULT TIME If the main earner in a married couple leaves the family home, what should the remaining spouse do?


My husband just walked out …


Family Law
Brid Manifold

I have been married for 12 years, happily I thought. We have three school-going children. Nearly two months ago my husband announced he couldn’t live with us anymore and just left. I have only a part-time job, not well paid, and I depended on Mike almost completely. He has paid the mortgage and some bills since he left, but I can’t manage without his financial support. I am devastated and broke.

This is a distressing situation to find yourself in. To face a drastic drop in income, on top of the shock of a sudden separation ­– not to mention dealing with the demands, financial and emotional, of your children all at the same time – can be overwhelming.
Now, while you must be feeling really panicked, this is a time to keep a cool head. Most typically, someone in your situation will contact a solicitor in great distress, requesting that a letter be sent out to your husband without delay, demanding that he resume his financial obligations and threatening legal proceedings. However, I repeatedly remind clients to consider whether the action they are about to initiate is likely to improve their current position, or might it have the opposite effect. A time of crisis, when emotions are running high, is not the best for addressing big questions, such as the ownership of the family home. 
Certainly, as a matter of urgency, you must deal with the issue of maintenance and the mortgage repayments. You must convey to your husband your reasonable needs and see if you and he can reach an agreement for the short term until you have both had an opportunity to adjust to the new situation. Your husband has a legal obligation to maintain your three children and there may also be a question of spousal maintenance, depending on your circumstances.
Everything else at this stage can be left until things have calmed down somewhat. (Unless there is a risk of your husband dissipating savings or other assets.) Family law solicitors are required to advise you on all of your options as follows:
Firstly, have you considered the possibility of a reconciliation? This may be a temporary situation which could be resolved through counselling. Have you and your husband availed of or considered counselling? If one or both of you have decided that the marriage is over, the next option to consider is mediation in order to reach agreement on arrangements for the care of the children, the family home and all the financial decisions.
Mediation is particularly effective for couples who share a high level of concern for their children and wish to minimise the negative impact of a separation on them. However, a productive mediation process does require a level of maturity and patience from both parties, and sometimes a little distance from the rawness of a separation. For that reason, mediators always screen couples for suitability for the process. 
If mediation is not suitable for whatever reason, then the next option is for your solicitor to work in a constructive and cooperative way with your husband’s solicitor to help you both to reach an amicable resolution of your issues. It is advisable for this reason to select a solicitor who is experienced in the area of family law.
Most importantly, you and your husband need to avoid a damaging, costly and bitter family law case if at all possible.

Brid Manifold is a family-law solicitor and mediator based in Galway City. Her monthly columns will cover a range of family-law and mediation issues. Email your questions in confidence to Brid at familylaw@mayonews.ie.