FAMILY LAW Separating? Maybe court’s not the best way

Separating? Family law courts may not be the best route


Family Law
Brid Manifold

I am about to separate from my wife. I am desperately worried about what will happen when this gets legal. I am worried about seeing my kids and that it’ll bankrupt me.

It is understandable that you would be worried at this very stressful time. Sometimes couples stay together for the very reason of being terrified of going down the legal route. And some of the horror stories you have heard may be true.
Unfortunately, family law is historically an adversarial system that polarises couples in a battle for competing interests.
It doesn’t have to be this way. Increasingly, more and more family solicitors are training in mediation and collaborative law, which are ways of resolving all the issues without having to go to court. These alternatives involve a couple sitting together around a table accompanied by their lawyers or mediator, who help keep communication civilised; supervise the exchange of financial information; and help the couple to come to their own agreement.
This shouldn’t be a radical idea. Very often, the couple know best what will work for their individual family and needs.
The system of family law in Ireland needs a serious overhaul.
A judge is busy hearing many cases all day and has limited time to read and digest the documents or to listen to lengthy evidence. Ask your self: who is better placed to make far reaching decisions that will affect that family long into their future – the judge or the couple themselves?
The reality is 95 per cent of cases never even get to a judge and are in fact settled, many of them ‘on the steps’ of the courthouse, ultimately on the nod of the couple themselves. (Remember, it is the couple and only they who make the ultimate decision.) Such situations are extremely pressurised. Who could make good decisions in such a setting, with the clock ticking and the proverbial ‘gun to the head’?
Why does our family-law system presume that separating couples cannot sit down together and talk directly to each other. It is particularly baffling in light of the fact that many couples  manage to carry on a working relationship after their separation – dropping children off to each other’s houses, managing shared bills etc.
Properly managed face-to-face meetings allow a couple to say what it is they really need, what they feel is fair, what might work best for the children. In such an environment, a whole raft of solutions can be worked out that will suit their particular family, and protect their dignity and privacy.
Couples who take charge of their own separation using mediation or collaborative law can control their legal costs, as they determine how long it is they spend reaching agreement in meetings.
Clinical courtroom environments and the sense of not being in control of one’s own destiny are frightening consequences of entering the court system. Luckily, there are alternative routes for couples seeking a separation – routes that are a lot less stressful.    

Brid Manifold is a family-law solicitor and mediator based in Galway City. Her monthly columns will cover a range of family-law and mediation issues. Email your questions in confidence to Brid at familylaw@mayonews.ie.

The above is generalised information and may not apply to you. You should always get individual legal advice on your own particular circumstances from an experienced family law solicitor.