POSITIVE STEPS: How to let go and move on

WE have so many experiences during our lives. Some can be positive, some not so much, but they all make you into the person you are and influence how you behave and interact in the world.
Many experiences and encounters might be transitory. There may be a point where you must say goodbye and leave places, people or things in the past. Depending on the involvement or impact they’ve had, this can be a very difficult experience, particularly if you are quite emotional.
Bidding farewell is part of life; people will come and go, for a multitude of reasons. Why is the impact so different from person to person? And is there any positive way to approach departures and begin to move on?
Saying goodbye can be difficult when we strongly ingrain ourselves in other things. Your relationships, your items and possessions and your job, for instance, all form a huge part of your identity. So, if a time comes when you need to say goodbye to any of these, you feel as if you are leaving some part of yourself behind. You might feel like some part of you is missing, and this may cause you to feel out of kilter or a little disorientated.
However, no matter how it hard feels, know that these feelings will lessen as time passes. Passing milestones give us a chance to pause and reflect. If you are capable of holding on to the laughter, good moments and learning it doesn’t have to be quite so hard. I’ve read that ‘sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together’. What a lovely positive way to approach transition and farewells.
To assist with moving on it can be beneficial to look at your life as a journey. Life’s road can’t always be smooth, so view this time as a perhaps necessary but not devastating dip. Consider someone who to you might seem to have it all. They have likely experienced their own dips in the past but have since risen to feeling content. This can be true for you also.
In order to move forward, it’s crucial not to romanticise your past. It can be very easy to look back with rose tinted glasses, diminishing any difficulties or challenges that were present. Colouring the past as perfect will make you yearn for it even more and potentially block your progress. As always, allow yourself to feel all feelings that are brought up for you, and if it feels difficult, lean on somebody in your circle or outside of it who can provide a listening ear.
Whatever it is that you are letting go, it’s a significant part of your story and it should be acknowledged as such. Just because millions of other people have experienced something similar, it doesn’t mean that its impact should be less for you, so bear that in mind.
Whilst fear can sometimes be attached to goodbyes, perhaps what you are most fearful about is the newfound space and possibilities. Try to view the future with an open mind.
And try to remember that goodbyes don’t always mean severed links. Sure, as people adapt and evolve they may travel on different paths, but that connection and history will always remain. We often call departures ‘bittersweet goodbyes’, but remember there is a reason they can also be called ‘fond farewells’.

Sadhbh Dunne is a qualified life coach based in Westport. She is the founder of Ember Coaching (embercoaching.ie) and can be reached at sadhbh@embercoaching.ie.