Sport in 2010 from A to Z

Sport in 2010 from A to Z


Sketch
Daniel Carey

A is for Amalgamations, something we’re likely to see more of in 2010 notwithstanding the Moygownagh/Ardagh controversy.
Some planned mergers collapse over the failure to agree on a name – somewhat bizarre given the previous existence of the Tuam Krugers and Athenry De Wetts GAA clubs.

B is for Bilocation, which is described as ‘a controversial gift of the Holy Spirit’ on one Catholic website. It might come in handy on May 22, when the Heineken Cup final begins in Paris just a few hours before the Champions League final in Madrid.

C is for Clare hurlers, who’ll be managed by Ger O’Loughlin in 2010. ‘The Sparrow’ used to hide in the bushes on Crusheen hill, then re-emerge halfway through a run, and tell his colleagues that they’d want to get their act together. Neat trick.

D is for Downturn, which is set to continue have an adverse impact on sport in 2010.
Noting that mere cojones are no longer sufficient when it comes to fund-raising, one Louisburgh man observed: “Balls aren’t enough. You’d want a gun along with the balls!”

E is for Elephant Polo, a sport whose most high profile event (the King’s Cup) takes place in March. Who knew that a sport started by two drunken British explorers as a laugh would prove so popular? See ye in Thailand.

F is for Frost, which is already playing havoc with sports fixtures in 2010. John Prenty described the Connacht GAA Centre of Excellence in Bekan as ‘a La Manga-type facility’. If only the weather was as good in Mayo as it is in Portugal.

G is for Great Man To Get A Goal, who may make a return to GAA fields in 2010. ‘Championship Man’ creator Liam Horan described such creatures as invariably ‘big, balding, and shipping some extra poundage’. Rendered extinct by the Celtic Tiger, he could be on the way back.

H is for Hype, which is set to be bigger than ever in sporting circles in 2010 – particularly when it comes to the Dublin footballers. Little wonder that, in manager Pat Gilroy’s phrase, there were ‘like startled earwigs’ against Kerry last August.

I is for Internet, which will become ever more popular among sports fans in 2010. But watch out for online references to Masal Bugduv, a 16-year-old Moldovan prodigy named among ‘Football’s top 50 rising stars’ in The Times last January. He doesn’t exist.

J is for John Giles, who will hopefully rediscover his appetite for analysis in 2010. The Irish soccer pundit said ‘good’ last month when Peter Collins announced at the end of RTÉ’s Premier Soccer Saturday programme that they had run out of time. Worrying.

K is for Kilkenny, where the the first game of Gaelic football took place in February 1885. The match finished in a scoreless draw. Sounds like a thriller. I wonder are there any plans to commemorate the 125th anniversary next month?

L is for Lookalikes, which could give sports fans something to smile about in 2010. Marco Tardelli is a dead ringer for Meatloaf, while Giovanni Trapattoni resembles English actor Tony Robinson. Liam Brady doesn’t really resemble anyone else, but two outta three ain’t bad.

M is for Mick O’Dwyer, who prepares to work his magic again this year. “It’s like kissing a girl,” TV3 analyst David Brady (pictured) said of Wicklow’s 2008 win over Kildare. “Once you’ve kissed her once, you know there’s a chance you could kiss her again.” Indeed.

N is for New Sports. If the traditional stuff isn’t tickling your fancy, why not try something else in 2010? Like bossaball, which apparently mixes soccer, volleyball and gymnastics on trampolines and inflatables.

O is for Octopush, which for its cool name alone, deserves a higher profile in 2010. Also known as underwater hockey, it involves trying to manoeuvre a puck across the bottom of a swimming pool. There are two tournaments in Britain before the end of January.

P is for PΡidí Ó Sé, who reckons he could ‘nearly guarantee’ Mayo (or Dublin) an All-Ireland title. He was certainly able to guarantee Dinny Allen a sore head. Check out YouTube for footage of two haymakers and one slipping referee.

Q is for Quite Extraordinary.
This is one way of describing the 30-year-old feat of Tom Shufflebotham, who in July 1980 charmed 511 worms out of the ground in half an hour. His ‘world worm charming’ record stood until last year.

R is for Referees, who will no doubt get lots of abuse from sports fans in 2010. Still, we have moved on a lot from the era when a match report included the words: “And no marks at all to that section of the crowd who stoned the referee as he lay helpless on the ground”.

S is Strange Similes, which are always worth keeping an eye out for at this time of year. A Sligoman I worked with once described a match as ‘like a bad girlfriend from Cavan: tough, tight and not too pretty’.

T is for Tiger Woods, who may make a return to the golf course in 2010. By the time he’s back in action, will membership of the ‘I Have Also Slept With Tiger Woods’ Facebook page (284,000-strong last week) have increased or decreased?

U is for Underage Level, where the behaviour of managers will be closely watched in Mayo in 2010.
SeΡn Mac Éil told a recent meeting that ‘if Papa has their own John Joe at corner forward … they’re frothing at the mouth!’

V is for Vancouver, which will stage the Winter Olympics in February. Mayoman Michael Hambly suggested a while back that the 2020 event should be staged in Connacht. If the big freeze stays in place, we could probably host it next month.

W is for World Cup, which, sadly, won’t involve Ireland in 2010.
We’ll have to make do with non-competitive fixtures, which is unlikely to impress Paul Flynn. “Watch an international friendly? I’d rather get my piles blow-torched,” our columnist once wrote.

X is for X-Rated, which may describe some tackles we’ll see in the 2010 Six Nations Championship.
George Hook said the 1948 Grand Slam-winning Irish side ‘had two guys who would kick the Virgin Mary’. Quite.

Y is for Youth. 2010 is the International Year of Youth, and we’re always told that young people are the future of sport.
Tell that to the kid who asked Westmeath football legend Rory O’Connell “Who did ye beat in the Leinster final?” back in 2004. Told it was Laois, the boy had another question: “Where are they from?”

Z is for Zzzzz, or sleep, which I’m ready to do now after putting this list together.
Soccer player Fabrice Fernandes once complained that he woke up every morning with a wet head.
The reason? He slept by a window which he left open even when it was raining.