Talking the talk not easy

Ryle, it’s time for us to talk


Crash Ball
Trevor Watson

THIS column has been critical of Ryle Nugent’s commentary in the past and many people thought the opinion was quite unfair. But, after last weekend, it would be remiss of me not to return to the subject as our polished orator out-did himself once more.
Rumours of his ‘Ryle-isms’ have now merged with the truth so much that it’s difficult to remember if he did actually say during the Ireland v England game at Croke Park, “The English troops arrive just in time”. We will credit him with it anyway.
He has always ridden the donkey fairly close to the tail but this weekend past, he finally fell off!
During last Saturday’s game he started badly and just got worse. Car Crash TV at its best.
His first job today should be to purchase a dictionary and look up the definition of the word “literally”. Maybe then he would be a little less flamboyant with the use of the term.
“Morrison, literally, eaten up by Tommy Bowe” – a quality ‘spake’ from Ryle ‘I see cannibal people’ Nugent.
But there was more to come. And we are not even going to mention his lack of basic rule knowledge or mis-identification of players. We don’t need to. There is so much more…
Ireland are leading Scotland by four points and the dulcet tones of our Ryle inform us that our kilted cousins would need to score twice to win the match. Obviously this writer missed the new ELV which states that a try now only counts for three points!
No Ryle, please no. Please stop now. But the crème de la crème was yet to come.
During the post match interview with Peter Stringer, Ryle stated: “What a day Peter. Back in the team, man of the match performance, and you get the all important try!” Ah, no actually Ryle, I think you’ll find it wasn’t the twelve stone, 5’ 8” bald scrum half, it was in fact the 17 stone 6’ 4” blonde number 8.
But it was an easy mistake to make. I mean anyone could have made it.
This writer takes great satisfaction every weekend during the Six Nations knowing that my TV licence money is being put to good use.
But back to the match itself. A thoroughly professional, Kidney-esque performance. The over used banana-skin cliché was never more apt and this column was very worried about what the Scots might do. Thankfully, Paul O’Connell (this writer’s man of the match) and the mercurial Brian O’Driscoll steered the good ship Kidney through the murky Scottish waters.
John Hayes was his brilliant, powerful best. Stringer was snappy from the base and made the all important try (but didn’t actually score it Ryle!) and if the Lions team was going to South Africa tomorrow it would be hard to look past Stephen Ferris for the number six jersey based on current form.
All of Kidney’s bold selection calls worked out. Best was better at line-out time. Darcy’s defence was immense and Leamy looked more at home that Heaslip. But Heaslip did get the all-important try.
We will forgive him his premature show-boating. Or perhaps he was just signalling to Ryle that it was him scoring and not Stringer.
He should have used a better signal…