Manchester United need a devil at midfield

United need a real devil


Paul Flynn

SO, another World Cup ends with the English media’s customary vilification of the nearest Manchester United player. Blame Rooney. It is as wearisome and as predictable as their team’s football. How Postman Pat Capello kept his job beats me. Spain’s intelligence and patience was impressive and Germany made a lot of new friends, but I was relieved when the last vuvuzela trailed off and we could look forward to the domestic season. And yet ...
Two weeks in and it seems one plastic drone has given way to another as chief executive of our esteemed neighbours Manchester Checkbook, Garry Cook, blares to the world the inevitability of their dominance of the English game. And, you know ... he’s probably right. Another 100 million pounds gushes out of the sewers of Mordor upon players – some tried and tested and others hype and hair gel. Money. Will that be enough?
Believe me, Citeh will find a way to cock it all up. Mancini doesn’t impress me. Like all Italian coaches, he has one eye on his next gig. He’s all flounce and figura. This pyjama-blue behemoth may have to wait another year before the silver polish wafts down its council house corridor. Chelsea have rattled in 12 in two games and they look set to power on. Arsenal will give it a real go, and Liverpool’s decline has been arrested with the appointment of a proper football manager. Spurs will entertain and frustrate in equal measure just like our lads continue to.
United seem to be still tinkering with the engine, and I for one, am not convinced by our summer business. Hernandez apart, all United’s new intake are all about potential. Talented for sure, but we are crying out for a seasoned midfield traffic cop. Forget Owen Hargreaves. He’s done. The poor lad has cost the club thousands on bubble-wrap alone. After every game for the reserves, bits of him have to be dismantled and sent away to Norway or some-such. If it wasn’t for Darren Fletcher we’d be overrun on a weekly basis.
So instead of stocking up on centre-halves, why weren’t we all over Sebastian Schweinsteiger? A devil, that lad. Did you see him boss the Argentina midfield single-handed? It was like watching Roy Keane on Pro-Evo with God at the controls. Would he have come to United? You bet. So what gives in uncle Malcolm’s ferret heart? Where’s the Ronaldo money, you slimy coot?
Easy one, that. The sole purpose of Man United is to earn for that unspeakable brood. All of those pre-season tours of football backwaters  have a dual purpose: to shill for the ‘brand’ of Manchester United and to make Johnny Evans look good. Did you see him watch the Fulham equaliser by-pass him? Dork. Don’t expect our boys to be parading much silverware next May. Sure, Giggs and Scholes will (one last time) make us look like a proper United side now and then, but without a super-driven galvanising midfield presence to square up to the likes of Chelsea, it’s not gonna be pretty.
In Europe, United will hang around like a gawky kid invited to the prom without the money for a ticket. Whatever about title number 19, there’s no way we’ll be good enough to win a fourth European Cup. Dear, oh dear, listen to me, I apologise, reds. Okay, I just took a minute there: necked a Boddington’s and punched myself in the fizzer. Yeah, we’ll win the lot.
Seriously though, I predict the title will stay in London unless Alex buys in January. Berbatov will delight and frustrate in equal measure; O’Shea and Evans will sleepwalk through the season, and Nani will mess up twice for every good thing he does. United need a devil in there. But let’s wait til the big hitters square up; that will show us where we are short. Whoever you follow, enjoy your season.