COMMENT: When sadness and pain take hold

JANUARY can be tough. The weather is usually dreary and often mirrors the emotions rambling around the boreens of our lives. The anticipation of a new start with the turning of the year has proven to be illogical, and the long evenings of summer seem a lifetime away.
Personally, the dreariness and the lack of light are an utter pain. I like to get out some evenings after work and try to run, but the darkness isn’t appealing and settling down in front of the TV is an easy alternative.
The fact that Christmas may have left finances somewhat stretched is also another January niggle, and that’s before one even thinks about all the colds and flus circling through the population.
Therefore, January is usually a time when I just put the head down and try to get through each week as painlessly as possible. However, the sadness echoing through many parts of Ireland this month has really knocked the stuffing out me. So many people are struggling.
Tragically, some of those struggling have taken their own lives. I can’t even imagine the pain being experienced by the bereaved.
The sadness of these sudden and tragic deaths by suicide has gripped many people with no connection to the departed or their families. There’s a sense of helplessness. The urge to reach out and try to help the bereaved is overpowering, but unfortunately, there’s little or nothing we can do, apart from thinking of them kindly and gently.
Personally, I find all of this hard to process. Like everyone else I want to make things right and take away the searing pain being experienced by grieving families and loved ones. I fervently wish there was a way to wave a wand and bring loved ones back to life again. But that’s not the way things work.
I was on the side of a pitch last Wednesday at a colleges match when a friend began to explain the frustration he was feeling about the sadness gripping so many people in our community.
The football match was being played out in front us, but our thoughts were filled with wanting to somehow bring a little light into the lives of so many of us who are struggling to put one foot in front of the other. Life can be wonderful, but it can also be hugely sad, lonely, challenging and painful. I’ve been there, and many, many other people have been too.
There were times in my life when I felt I was the loneliest human on the planet despite, being surrounded by family, friends and countless acquaintances. There were times when cold sadness clawed at my soul and even thinking about tomorrow was too much of a challenge. In those moments, the big challenges were getting through the next minute, the next hour, and not thinking too much. On many of those occasions I was at work or watching a match or walking along a street packed with people.
There was nothing wrong with me in a conventional sense. I wasn’t ‘sick’ or ‘ill’. Life experiences that I had hidden away in the recesses of my mind had brought crushing pain, and there were times when it was almost paralysing. Nobody could possibly understand – or so I thought.
Some day I will write the book and describe the journey back from there to here. It’s not a nice, soft, fluffy journey, but it’s the greatest trip one can ever take. Life is full of possibilities; packed with avenues and boreens that can open onto a highway leading to an existence where contentment reigns supreme.
On Wednesday last, my friend and I were surrounded by young footballers chasing sporting dreams on a patch of grass, but our thoughts were with the many, many people across our nation experiencing the clawing pain of loneliness, hopelessness and frustration. If we could have reached out and relieved some of that pain we wouldn’t have hesitated. All we could do was talk about the journey to contentment and the joy that destination brings with it, and hope that others might find their place on that path.

• Pieta offers free support to anyone experiencing suicidal thoughts or engaging in self-harm. It also supports those bereaved through suicide. If you are in crisis and need to speak to a therapist, call 1800 247 247 or text ‘HELP’ to 51444. The service is available 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.