Smile and the world . . .

Smile and the world . . .

Sonia Kelly

HOW to make friends and influence people is something that most of us aspire to do. I know I bang on about the importance of a smile in social relations – unheeded by some, who continue to glare out at the world in general. Now, however, I am vindicated by science.
It is now official that one’s own bearing and attitude and mien is reflected by whoever is encountered. This is because there are mirror neurons in our brains that automatically reproduce whatever is presented to them. This means that whenever we appear in public we influence all around us for good or ill. A happy, smiling face will stimulate a similar response, as will a miserable, hostile one. In that way, like the ripples in a pond spread out, the influence of each person can have undreamed of effects.
The realisation of this inherent power can have a bearing on so many life situations. On the domestic front, for instance, if your partner is in a grumpy mood and you allow yourself to respond accordingly, a row can quickly ensue, which will feed on itself. But if you are savvy enough to block your mirror neurons, to smile and make soothing noises, the grumps are unlikely to develop.
Try this in a wider context – if challenged by the law, never respond with hostility, or you could end up in handcuffs. Abject apology is the best ploy here, not least because it will be so unexpected. The same strategy could apply to a victim of road-rage – nothing will defuse some murderous intent quicker than a show of capitulation.
According to an article on the subject of mirror neurons, bullying is one of the worst forms of ill-will to be faced with in everyday life. This is because of the difficulty in counteracting it, as it’s not the aggression that’s mirrored by the recipient, but the underlying contempt. The effect of this behaviour is usually compounded by the fact that it is ongoing. This wears down the resistance of the victim, who develops feelings of rejection and uselessness, leading to low self-esteem. The best way to conquer such an onslaught is to feign indifference and think positive thoughts during the ordeal.
Scientific research has also verified that emotional support given to someone in distress can actually change what is going on in that person’s brain by means of the mirror neurons and thus alleviate the pain and anxiety being experienced. Any kind of criticism during such a period would be completely counterproductive, as the negativity expressed would be mirrored and would exacerbate the situation.
If we had only had this knowledge as children it might have alleviated the trauma of school. You remember those scenes when the teacher’s wrath was activated by some misdemeanour and we reacted with glares and subordination? Think of the difference an apology would have made, accompanied by an innocent smile. Many’s the beating might have been averted had such methods been employed.
Remember the famous war story about Christmas night in the trenches when two enemy soldiers approached each other and smiled? In no time at all the opposing armies were out of their foxholes playing and singing together. But, of course, that didn’t suit their masters, so it was soon back to the killing fields.
Perhaps some time in the future there will be special life-skill classes taught in schools to promote an understanding of how mirror neurons work. Then maybe – just maybe – more people will realise the importance of the three things that will most soothe their passage through life: the words “sorry” and “thanks” and a smile.