When your world falls apart

SURVIVAL MODE No matter what you have been knocked by, the only thing that’s necessary is survival.

What should you do if everything changes in an instant?

Mental Health
Jannah Walshe

When our world suddenly falls apart, what do we do? How do we cope or manage or even survive? Some events have the power to change our lives completely in an instant. Things such as bereavement, illness, separation, job loss, sudden poverty and much more can turn life upside down and inside out.
‘How can one instant can change things so dramatically?’ we might ask. It seems so unfair. It can even be hard to believe it’s really happening. Could it be a dream? Is it possible to wake up from this? Is there a way to go back to the way things were before?  
Things you used to complain about you’d now take back in a heartbeat, if only you could travel back. Those things that seemed so big, so important at the time are now insignificant, in the face of a different perspective. This is a perspective you would never wish on anybody else. You want to tell everyone to enjoy the complaints, the arguments, the daily stresses. They are the essence of life. They mean people, love, happiness and life itself.
No matter what it is that has knocked you backwards, survival is all that is necessary now. When things happen that come out of the blue, even shock can be delayed. You want to keep going. You need to get back to those normal everyday complaints, arguments and stresses. But how can you do this?

Surviving
The first step is to do nothing and to solely survive. What I mean by nothing is nothing extra. When there has been a big shock or change it is not the time to be running out taking on everything you can. Stand back and only do the absolutely necessary. Survive by getting through the day, baby step by baby step. What’s important here is meeting the basic needs, such as eating, sleeping and basic hygiene, and fulfilling only the absolutely essential responsibilities.
Next step is to accept all help or support offered. People want to help and when some big change has happened, now is the time to take it. Worry about giving back later. There will be opportunity for that too, but now is not the time for it.
The third and vitally important step is to allow some time to pass. Stay in survival mode, accept help and give yourself as much time as is needed. Here’s a good visual image I came across online: If you’re walking down a road and the path is no longer clearly marked and it’s possible you might get lost—stop. Turn around and retrace your steps to where you began. If you don’t know where to go or what to do once you’re back on familiar territory, set up camp at the side of the road and wait. Don’t just take any old road. Wait until you have determined what the best course of action is and what the best path to take is.
We always know when the time is right to move on or move forward. Usually no one needs to tell us. It can be felt inside. It could be having a little more energy than before, talking to more people, having an interest in things that seemed too hard before, improved self-care and noticing small pleasures again.
When these things start to happen, it is time to step out the door, face the world and face whatever change has happened. Going at your own pace, start to take positive proactive steps to accepting the change and/or doing anything that can help. One of these things could be to get informed. The more informed we feel, the more in control we feel.
Finally, talk, talk, talk. We carry so much around inside us all of the time. Let some of it out. It really does help.

Jannah Walshe is a counsellor and psychotherapist based in Castlebar and Westport. A fully accredited member of The Irish Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy, she can be contacted via www.jannahwalshe.ie, or at info@jannahwalshe.ie or 085 1372528.