How to be a nice person

To be a nice person is a real challenge. It can be a sincere compliment, but it can also imply a certain ineffectualness - harmless, but uninteresting. The trick is to combine a willingness to be helpful to others with, at least, a dash of verve.

The first requisite for the title is an expansive smile - a smile that indicates no holding back, a readiness to accept whatever is on offer. American-style teeth are not essential for this, although a little sparkle enhances the effect. Some people have faces so alien to this concept that, even in the unlikely event of their saving one’s life, the word ‘nice’ would never be part of any eulogy.

Along with the smile, good manners come naturally to a nice person and demonstrate an innate propensity to be helpful at all times. Such people are never in too much of a hurry to offer assistance and would never dream of administering any kind of a rebuff - something which I have previously noted can have lethal effects. Nice people would be unlikely to take jobs as bouncers, say, or traffic wardens or, indeed, as the CEOs of big businesses. The use of the simple words ‘please’ and ‘thanks’ go a very long way in assessing someone’s nature, and have a more or less instant effect on the recipient.

Something that nice people never do is to discuss others - except possibly to expand on their niceness. But as the actions of other people, good or bad, is what makes them endlessly interesting, this can severely limit conversation and tends to introduce a flavour of insipidness. There is a line to be drawn here, though, between a genuine and sympathetic interest and a vindictive, or rancourous one, so there’s no need for an aspirant to be completely tongue-tied.

Nice people are always loathe to criticise things, or services, also, so they are disinclined to stand up for their rights. Too much of this attitude and they come across as wimps, but too little and no one wants to be in their company for long for fear of being tarred with the same brush. Again, a fine line separating niceness and aggression.

A feeling of being wanted is something else that these pleasant people seem able to generate in others. They invariably appear pleased to see one, to hear one’s news and are lavish with congratulations on any achievement. The result is that one always feels better after a mutual encounter - energised in some way - whereas a scowling face, with an expression like thunder, has the exact opposite effect and can cause serious depression.

A word of warning here - charisma can be taken for niceness, but it does not always follow. A charismatic smile can blow you away, but unless it has that slightly self-effacing element of the really nice one, it can hide a multitude of sins (think Bill Clinton). It can, in fact - and often does - exude a hint of danger (think here Martin McGuinness, Michael O’Leary) thus introducing the frisson of excitement not normally engendered by mere niceness.

People such as the above don’t, on the whole, invite confidences and if they ask, ‘How are you?’, it does not mean that you should tell them - nor would you feel particularly inclined to. They are too busy pursuing their own agenda. Nice people, on the other hand, are always prepared to listen and offer sympathy and can even appear genuinely interested in the litany of woes that most of us can muster at the drop of a hat.

The obvious conclusion to all this is that the world would be a better place if niceness was more generally practised. How about a world niceness day, when enemies would kiss each other, instead of flourishing a knife, or bomb?

But charity begins at home, so the very first step is to polish your teeth and see if you can coax a response from some un-smiling visage.