POSITIVE STEPS: Connecting with our relationships

If the experience and impact of 2020 to now left us with anything meaningful, it is the enormous importance of human connections.
As humans we are social beings, and we thrive off our ties with others. During the pandemic these ties came under pressure for a lot of people who may have experienced feelings of loneliness and isolation. Such feelings reduce feelings of contentment and be quite disruptive to life in general. Anecdotally, it certainly seems as though people have a newfound appreciation for their friends and relationships. And this is good news, as a healthy life can be further improved through social ties.
Meaningful relationships are an essential part of our wellbeing. Physically, it is believed that they can benefit your immune system and lower rates of anxiety and depression. There are also links between good relationships and people experiencing higher levels of self-esteem and empathy towards others.
Although desirable, these outcomes are not guaranteed. Even if you do have a large group of friends, the benefits hinge on the meaning and fulfilment that the relationships offer. To firstly create and then work to maintain these positive relationships takes some time and effort from both sides. This is true of all types of connections, whether they are romantic, workplace or personal.

Quality communication
Communication, communication, communication. Whilst it is something we all do daily in some way or another, its impact can not be overlooked. The important factor here relates to the quality of this communication.
Always make an effort to present your attention to the other person as they speak, have an open body stance and let it be clear to them that you are focused on what it is they have to say. Try not to cut across them; each take your turn to make your points to ensure an equal involvement. The frustration that can be avoided by just implementing the above as a minimum will be immediately noticeable.
If an issue does arise, try not to ignore it or hope that it goes away by itself. Rather, call it out and attempt to work through it as a partnership. Disagreements or conflict will inevitably arise in all close relationships, but it is the way that these are responded to and managed that really matters.
Place yourself in the other person’s shoes so you are familiar with the perspective they are viewing the situation from and again use your communication skills to share and listen to both points of view. Doing this at the time might bring about some discomfort or cause you to feel sadness or anger, but it is the only way to ensure that the issue does not linger and grow bigger over time. If the problem is allowed to grow, it can be more difficult to recover from.

Happiness factor
Finally, there is one crucial element that can often be overlooked, and this is the understanding that nobody else is responsible for creating your own happiness.
Don’t expect or rely on someone else to give this to you, because it will undoubtedly end in disappointment and feelings of resentment may raise their head. With this in mind, don’t seek out or enter a relationship with a focus centred around it needing to make you feel happy. You must first get to this stage by working on the most important relationship in your life, which is the lifelong one you have with yourself. When this is in a good place, you will bring so much more to your current and future relationships whilst reaping the emotional and physical benefits available to you.

Sadhbh Dunne is a qualified life coach based in Westport. She is the founder of Ember Coaching (embercoaching.ie) and can be reached at sadhbh@embercoaching.ie.