MENTAL HEALTH: Take back control of your life

Do you ever feel as though life is just happening to you? That your cards have been dealt and handed to you, and there is little you can do to sway this? Perhaps you need to work on your sense of agency, your sense of control.
Agency is a really interesting concept that psychologists say gives you the power to affect your future. Your agency may have been diminished by your life circumstances to date, and if that’s the case, it is more than okay. Because of course, nothing in life is clear cut, and there will always be large grey areas.
Sometimes people are just dealt tough times, and in some instances there is no amount of positive thinking or foresight that can alter that. But in its purest form, we, as humans, do sometimes neglect to appreciate just how much control and power we do actually have in everyday situations.

Autonomy and power
If you feel downtrodden and that nothing in life ever goes your way, you are pushing all of the autonomy and power that you do hold far away from yourself and attaching it to something abstract.
It can feel safe to do this, because you are distancing yourself from any feelings of blame or guilt by association, but also you are giving yourself reasons and permission to remain ‘stuck’.
A lot of the people who engage with coaching can initially arrive to sessions with an air of defeatedness about them; they unfortunately can’t see any way through the obstacles ahead of them and believe that they will just have to make peace with this fact. Through untangling their specific scenario, oftentimes there can be a total shift. These people can start to feel their agency shining through once again.
There is something so empowering and uplifting about this feeling of agency, in recognising the lead role you have in your day-to-day life. However, sometimes it can be getting to that stage of recognition that is most difficult.
Irish wellness brand The Head Plan has a really lovely tagline that ties in with the idea of agency: ‘You are the author of your own life story, don’t let anyone else hold the pen’. Attaching a visual can be such a helpful way of getting something to ‘land’ or make sense, so I hope this one may serve as a reminder to you.

Agency is personal
Agency looks different to everyone. It is based on what you find meaningful in your own life. Those with high levels of agency have been shown to be more intentional with how they spend their time, which lead to reports of improved wellbeing.
At the end of the day, try as they might, nobody can change the way you live your life. If you feel you are not in the driver’s seat of your life and that things are just passing you by or happening to you, just know that you and you alone can make that move away from the passenger seat.
Perhaps most importantly, agency signifies hope. When uncertainty and insecurity take hold, this hope that you will be able to cope and overcome has an impact on mental wellbeing. Having a sense of agency helps you believe you have the ability to influence your future. Your agency may not always feel like it’s present in abundance, but by redirecting your attention and reviewing your beliefs, you will be able to help boost its presence and its influence on your life.

Sadhbh Dunne is a qualified life coach based in Westport. She is the founder of Ember Coaching (embercoaching.ie) and can be reached at sadhbh@embercoaching.ie.