REACH OUT?Many new mothers can experience profound lows as they struggle to adjust and cope with life, but support is out there.
The spectrum of postnatal depression
Mental Health
Jannah Walshe
Baby is crying. Phone is ringing. Dishwasher needs emptying. Things that were simple before now feel too much. You are tired, irritable. You have no time to shower, eat properly or think clearly. You start to wonder is it all worth it.
Feelings start to overwhelm you and it becomes easier to hide under the duvet, at best doing only what is absolutely necessary for your child. You start to wonder what’s wrong with you. Why does it seem like everyone else is coping just fine and you feel like everything is out of control?
This scenario may seem extreme, but many people can relate to parts or all of it. A certain amount of the what I’ve described is ‘normal’, post-birth busyness and tiredness. It is to be expected – but it is not to be underestimated. The effects on a woman of having a baby are huge in this day and age, when women feel they need to be superwomen: all-seeing, all-doing, all-everything-to-everyone, often forgetting themselves.
So where does postnatal depression come into all this? Postnatal depression is a spectrum, with mild ‘baby blues’ at one end and very severe postnatal depression at the other. But in the middle of these two extremes many mothers experience profound lows as they struggle to adjust and cope with life as it is now.
A new mother has to come to terms with loss as well as gain, a loss of her sense of self and identity, often feeling she has no choice but to put the needs of her child before her own; loss of freedom and a great deal of her former life; loss of her more youthful, childless body; loss of control, income or the ability to earn for herself; and maybe even the loss of friends who are childless and may find it hard to understand that her priorities have now changed.
Women who suffer with postnatal depression may experience a number of symptoms including difficulty sleeping even when baby is sleeping, lack of interest and enjoyment in things previously enjoyed, extreme fatigue, tearfulness, irritability, anxiety, negative thoughts and hopelessness about the future. Sometimes women develop suicidal thoughts and/or thoughts about harming their child. Not all women will have all of these symptoms but if you feel you can relate to some or all of them it may be worth getting checked out by a healthcare professional for the possibility of postnatal depression.
With greater honesty about the difficulties that new mothers face and more support for mothers in that first year at least, the experience could be a happier and less stressful one. There is nothing shameful about saying that new motherhood is hard or that you are finding it difficult to cope. People are often only too happy to help if they know what to do. Tell them. If you are struggling, allow them to be there for you as you are for your child.
Isolation and loneliness are key feelings when it comes to postnatal depression, and tackling these can help to ease the depression. However, reaching out to others is often the last thing on a woman’s mind if she is feeling depressed. With that in mind focus first on getting professional help and support – following on from this there will be time to work on other support networks in your life, be it friends, family or groups.
It is common to believe that you are the only one going through this, but by talking to others you will come to realise that there are many, many others out there going through similar difficulties. You could use some of the websites below to get in contact with others who are going through or have been through something similar.
Please remember that new motherhood is challenging for all women but it should not be consistently distressing or miserable. Either way, if you to reach out for supports, they’re there.
Irish organisations that provide support and information relating to postnatal depression: www.aware.ie, www.hse.ie and www.citizensinformation.ie, for information on supports; www.pnd.ie offers a discussion forum, a chatroom and options to meet friends in your area; www.cuidiu.ie offers parent-to-parent support and coffee mornings; and www.nuturepnd.org, an Irish charity offering reduced-cost counselling, training, support. If you need to talk to someone out of hours, call the Samaritans on free-to-call number 116 123.
Jannah Walshe is a counsellor and psychotherapist based in Castlebar and Westport. A pre-accredited member of The Irish Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy, she can be contacted via www.jannahwalshe.ie or at 085 1372528.
