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Diary of a home bird
Ciara Galvin

ALL this time Pops has been pulling the wool over our eyes. He’s been pretending to be computer illiterate so he can get people to do it for him. Turns out though, he’s a whizz kid, a techie, an IT guy!
This all came to light some weeks ago while we were celebrating the day of my birth, and Madre mentioned menacing calls to the house looking for IT assistance.
From who? From none other than the male roomie. Howling with laughter I asked Madre if she was serious, deadly, it seemed. Trying to contain the laughter I and my siblings once again got into knots of laughter when the story got a whole lot more interesting when it turns out that Pops is actually listed on ‘Yelp’, the user review forum that contains anything from recommendations from restaurants to, well, services such as IT.
The whole family once again burst out laughing, Dad, an IT guru, making house calls to fix your laptop. My brother in-law suggested that perhaps Pops should actually attend these call outs and tell the unsuspecting client to go and have a coffee for themselves while he fixes the problem, ie turn it on and off again or shout some expletives at it when a file goes AWOL.
Here comes the ‘IT guru’ is how we now affectionately refer to him when he enters a room.
A short time after this new information he was telling me he’d gone to pay a bill at a local hardware shop but their online account system was down, I asked why didn’t he offer his assistance. Thankfully he took the joke well. Now, weeks later, Pop’s ‘contact details’ have been removed from the site. I’m unsure if he was removed due to negative reviews:
‘IT guy visited house regarding frozen Apple, told me to defrost it’ or maybe he just got one of his ‘IT buddies’ to hack the Yelp website!
Now that his big secret has been found out Dad is back to his old tricks though, finding the worst time ever to seek IT advice. Pick last week for instance. Coming off the back of an incredible weekend for the Ballinrobe Festival committee and indeed community (tooting my own horn as said member), and recovering after three days of no sleep, Pops utters those chilling words - ‘I just need ya for two minutes’...The irony is, I let out a ‘yelp’.
He added, ‘I’ve to get my emails, but they’re not on the phone’. Hiding my tears of exhaustion, not very well may I add, we entered the control room (the man cave).
Between WhatsApps and inboxes and sent items and junk, we eventually rectified issues. However, as I write this there’s still ‘more to do’ as the Fianna Fáil slogan once said.
Jokes aside, we’ll get there. I’m sure all those years of attempting to teach me long division were testing for Pops, and as many can attest, I’m still useless at maths. And, before anyone gets any ideas, Yelp does not need this numerically challenged woman giving out grinds.

In her fortnightly Diary of a Home Bird column, Ciara Galvin reveals the trials and tribulations of a twenty-something year old still living with her parents.